Simple, On Point, Penetrate, Unrelenting, Aligned and Kind. From Love Not For Love. Refuse To Collapse or Be Manipulated By Unhealed Wiles Of Little Girls.

by Jaime Rea

"If you’re a man looking for a formula of “work” you should be doing on yourself.
I’m going to give you my formula.
It’s men’s work combined with deep embodied trauma work.
This attacks both the masculine and feminine energies at the same time.
I have noticed insane benefits from working deeply with both simultaneously.
This creates the alchemical dance between the masculine and the feminine.
Scraping the grief barrel, along with being called forward into integrity, direction and purpose.
One thing I feel some men’s work can lack is an informed trauma approach. It’s incredible for being challenged, which is how the masculine grows and gets calls forward. It calls you forward into greater integrity, accountability, direction, purpose and power.
I’m constantly being reamed out in my men’s group for being “too coachy”. The container is about brash directiveness, we learn how to be a dick, how to receive dick energy, how to receive very direct criticism, and we’re constantly pushed to our edge. 

Best way I can describe men’s work is like getting a loving punch to the gut. It’s uncomfortable, you squirm and sweat, but a day or two later, you are grateful because the gut punch has called you forward into greater integrity in your life and to more fiercely embody your truth. 

But if you come into this space with a lot of trauma, it can lead to a major nervous system shut down and trauma spin out. The brash energy is the nature of men’s work, but without generating safety first, if you have a lot of trauma, it can create a lot of mistrust with your inner child and an inability to open up.
When doing trauma work, you have to establish a trusting relationship with the inner child first, or else the body won’t open. The body will shut down. The nervous system closes.
This is why I recommend men do a combined embodied trauma work approach to their men’s work. This gives you a more emotional therapeutic element combined with the directiveness and challenge of the men’s work container.
Cause men’s work is so important, but men need to learn how to die deaths constantly, and nothing will make you die more deaths than coming home to the body. Coming home to the feminine through embodied trauma, emotional work.
Men’s work creates many deaths as you’re very directly called out and called forward, and brought to your edge, and when you’re brought to your edge, you’re forced to die constantly.
Put it this way: your masculine energy will attract a feminine woman.
But your feminine embodiment, will actually allow you to fluidly communicate with your woman and hold difficult emotions.
Your masculine energy will lead to your woman desiring you. This structure will make her feel things in her body.
But your feminine embodiment will lead to her being able to feel safe to open to you and completely give her heart to you. 

And without this feminine death, you may withhold to your woman. 

You will be ambiguous as you have a hard time articulating how you feel and communicating how you feel adeptly.
Your masculine direction and strength allows her to surrender. 

But also her being able to feel your emotions allows her to soften and surrender as well.
Your masculine direction will turn her on, but your feminine connection with allow her to feel seen, witnessed and held in her emotionality. 

The number one thing a woman wants is for her man to hold space for her. 

This requires masculine structure to hold the fort down, but feminine connection to be able to feel into her hurt, anger, pain and deep emotions.
Without dying your own emotional deaths, you will shy away from your inner emotional terrain.

You will have structure but without empathy or compassion for her experience. 

When a woman is living in survival, she will choose an unhealthy masculine man who appears to be masculine, but then she will complain he can’t communicate or hold space for her emotions.

That’s because, this man is connected to masculine energy in a closed off, unhealthy, survivalist way.

So, sexually, right out of the gate, she was drawn to this masculine man, but she doesn’t feel safe to actually open to him and give him her heart because of his feminine disconnection. 

In other words, his masculine sparked her desire, but his disconnection to his own feminine, was not sufficient to create enough safety to hold her expression open. 

What she’s saying is that she, wants a masculine man, with a masculine presence, who has also died his death to return home to his body, to return home to his feminine by way of working with his childhood grief. 

So, she wants you to feel masculine, she wants to feel the structure of your masculine container, but through an embodied presence, that requires you to die the death through the feminine.
A man who lives in his head, in a place of intellectual logic, is a man who has actually never died a death. You could say a man’s disembodiment is his own disembodied feminine. 

You can feel this masculine without the feminine in men with deep, booming voices who feel strong, direct and full of aggressive challenge, but they feel unsafe because of their withholding of emotional expression.
You can’t feel them emotionally because of a suppressed relationship to the feminine.

He is stoic and emotionally shut down because he has not died the death through the feminine.
While it feels very masculine, it does not facilitate surrender because you can’t feel safe with someone who is not willing to open his body emotionally. 

A man without his masculine you can feel his expression but his expression lacks backbone, balls, boldness or ferocity.
You die a death by coming home to the body, by working with your trauma in a deeply emotional and embodied form. 

Then, men’s work, masculine growth and challenge, creates structure and direction to that death.
It allows the songs of the feminine soul to be executed through masculine direction.

But without the feminine death, we have a frame but with no colours or fluidity to the picture.
Without the feminine trauma work, you become a hardened shell of direction but without the juicy tenderness, sensitivity, empathy, compassion and ability to communicate deeply emotional material.

Without the masculine work, the feminine softness lacks backbone, integrity, ferocity, primal, sexual energy, ravishment or boldness. 

As men, our sexual energy is developed through our connection to our masculine energy.
It’s through our connection to our balls.
The feminine trauma work allows us to feel our body, and the masculine ferocity creates the tingles in your balls.
The masculine energy creates penetration through your sexual energy into the world.
As a man, when we embody this sexuality through our penetration of the world, it leads to desire, surrender and openness of women. 

But that desire can’t create safety without a feminine embodiment piece. 

So, as man, your masculine will attract a feminine woman living in survival. The masculine is what creates desire, as she feels penetrated by you, energetically through your boldness and commitment to your deepest truth. 

 

Without this feminine trauma work to support the masculine challenge, there is aggressiveness and brashness, but there is no ability to hold her dance with the feminine. 

You won’t be able to hold space for her. 

It’s desire through safety.
Desire through safety, to facilitate this for a woman, is through both a man’s masculine and feminine connection.
It allows her sexual enticement to be titillated through your masculine force, but she feels safe in her surrender because of your witnessing to her feminine through your feminine. 

Also, when a man is connected to his masculine but without the feminine death, he uses and abuses the feminine. He uses and abuses the feminine because he craves his own feminine. Often by way of his unhealed relationship to his mother. This mistrust or avoidance of the feminine, creates this more abusive masculine energy that seeks upon manipulation and control of the feminine. 

Think of a masculine energy that makes fun of men for being sensitive or in touch with their feminine. This is masculine energy that has not healed their own relationship to their feminine. 

Without this death through feminine embodiment, a man now uses women. He does not help facilitate the feminine to find their voice. 

You could say, men helping facilitate women finding their voice, is men learning how to hold space for healthy feminine anger.

As men, we need to hold space for feminine anger, while not denying our primal masculine energy either, as this primal energy is our birthright and sacred for intimacy.
So, as men, we need to create desire through our connection to the primal masculine and own our sexual desires, while also facilitate this opening through safety generated with a connection to our feminine. 

Scrape the barrels of your feminine grief through deeply embodied trauma work, dying this death, meeting your soul at the emotional edge of the abyss, then creating ferocity, boldness, primal sexuality, challenge and direction to that death with your masculine.

When you do this, not only do you become deeply soulful and spiritual, but you become fucking powerful in a safe, trusting way that calls others forward more deeply into their soul and truth.