Let us not stand with those who Deny. Our Own Lived Experience.
"Let me be crystal clear: if you’ve faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person… you have every right to remove them from your life.
Grief is brutally painful. Grief does not only occur when someone dies. When relationships fall apart, you grieve. When opportunities are shattered, you grieve. When dreams die, you grieve. When illnesses wreck you, you grieve.
So I’m going to repeat a few words I’ve uttered countless times; words so powerful and honest they tear at the hubris of every jackass who participates in the debasing of the grieving:
Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."
- Tim Lawrence
(“Everything Doesn’t Happen For A Reason”)
I love these wise words from Tim Lawrence, and the beautiful quote from Megan Devine at the end:
I want to say a little about what it means to be supported through tragedy.
When we are sick, injured, in pain, experiencing a shattering of the old life, we can feel very vulnerable, powerless, and we long for answers, solutions. We may even be open to the quick fix or miracle cure or oil or drug or tarot or crystal. From prayer to chemical and every potion in between. Only you can feel what best aligns in your body for your healing. And how sensitive are you to those "cures"?
In our desire to be whole and well, we may be drawn to confident, self-assured people with a myriad of labels – carers, helpers, doctors, priests, healers, support workers, yoga therapists, gurus - who seem like they have the cures, answers, fixes, solutions, remedies and magic potions. Yes, they may, but are they aligned with and a match for your specific and current healing needs? Right now.
Discerningly question, or simply Be More Aware of, those offering such "healing" from medical to mystic. They too will have a finite knowledge, they won't have seen it all, may possibly still have unresolved mental health issues, or may not even have yet started the journey to fully know the self.
Beware Chiron, The Unhealed Healer. In any capacity.
The Healing Arts, the science of wellness is all about alignment and suitability. For you. Never lose sight of that. You MUST resonate with and trust firstly, those offering any potential cure. Relating and listening must be established firstly. Then the healing may begin.
Does your GP doctor/massage therapist/chiropractor/reiki master actually listen, to your needs? Or are they too quick to quack? They bypass your needs and energy and essentially ignore you?
Or do they even go one step further and deny your lived experience? Don't listen at all and treat you as a number, income, supply or simply a statistic? Get the hell out and find a better match if that ever becomes the case.
Or maybe their theoretical training assumptions based on a conglomeration of case histories, not your specific needs, take precedence?
Of course holistic balance here is key, but be aware of the arrogant, entitled know it all healer, solely hiding behind certification and/or either "head book and hard science or ultra spiritual woo woo science" Be aware of the spectrum on which they sit. Find an alignment with which YOU are comfortable.
Is their solution aligned with your solution?
"Here take another pill, script, medication.
It's THE latest wonder drug!"
Is that ok for you?
"That is definitely the muscle, bone, spirit, soul that needs repairing"
Is that ok for you?
Do they relish the doctor fix it all tell you what to do guru role?
Is that ok for you?
Are they preaching without listening?
Is that ok for you?
Have they heard you?
Have they seen you?
Have they understood your needs?
Is the healing practitioner actually listening firstly and fully, to you?
Is that ok for you?
It can feel like a matter of life and death for us sometimes, this search for relief, a cure, a remedy, for a way to get through the day, or even for just for a moment’s respite from bodily agony.
In such a weakened, defenceless, groundless, frightened state, we can become easy targets for others trying to push their beliefs, theories and dogmas onto us. This is the time to be especially aware of snake oilers and charlatans. Remember do not settle for less than you deserve. And trust your Self. Especially with YOUR healing and wellness and health, be that relational or mental or physical.
“Gaslighting”, simply put, is when an individual "healer", or a cult-like group of people, (the medical fraternity, the religious zealots, the hospital, the church, the yoga studio, the education department) manipulates you into deeply doubting your own reality, questioning your own first-hand perceptions and experiences and memories and feelings, distrusting the things you know in your very gut.
Always trust your Self.
As your Truth.
Always validate what you feel.
As your Truth.
Choose to relate and connect and heal with those who allow and listen and flow in alignment, easily.
That is authenticity and integrity.
Yours.
I wish you grace as you navigate.
Much love.
Let us not stand with those who deny.
