Developing Secure Connection In Childhood Leads To Vulnerable Emotional Intimacy and A Healthy Vibrant Sexuality in Adulthood. The 6 Stages of Attachment Theory of Where These Life Long Relationship Patterns Stem From In Developmental Psychology.
For me, this wonderful in depth seminar really warms up around the 1 hour 5 minute mark and continues so until the awesome summary. Skip there if time is short and you are busy...
If not, grab a coffee, get comfy and listen.
The life long extensive attachment research that Dr Neufeld generously shares in this broad ranging talk is simply fascinating. Or is that just me...? Relationship Nerd Alert... So happy to Be that too.
Especially the juicy bits on "premature digital intimacy"... made enormous sense in this "permanent part time attention" era of the fractious digital age. AKA lack of presence ... lack of consciousness... lack of depth and awareness... lack of vulnerability in an armoured superficiality and insecure disassociation that extends into adulthood. All due to attachment in the first 6 years of childhood. Boom! Brilliant.
So is premature childhood "attachment" via data, apps and screens rapidly rewiring developing brains and replacing an authentic heart to heart connection of human core values, messy face to face and real human flesh with an automated disconnected robotic coldness?
Dr Neufeld goes on to summarise,
"Someone gets you ... sees you, mutually sharing in emotional intimacy with no secrets and a vulnerable open hearted connection. All related to and from the big picture of the 6 stages of childhood attachment theory."
Potent grounded research on childhood Attachment that the good Dr freely shares!
Have a listen, or two. It's awesome.
(As is Gordon's equally erudite public talk below...
in case ONE talk from the doctor is not enough...😀)
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When both partners commit to doing their own personal inner reflection to nurture the relationship, each gains a deeper insight into their unique childhood attachments. As a result of this inner work, they naturally develop more emotional responsibility and emotional intimacy and learn to love more unconditionally and selflessly. It takes both partners to commit to this inner maturation to nurture a secure and increasingly vulnerable partnership that then continues to thrive and grow. This in no way condones staying in harmful/abusive relationships where one or both partners are unable to commit to this inner ongoing work. It is just meant to highlight that a lot of relationships can be rocky and difficult, especially in the beginning and especially when each person may enter relationship with a lot of unresolved attachment issues. When we don't know ourselves well it becomes easy to unintentionally harm others. When we don't know ourselves well friction will naturally appear in our relationships/friendships. Sometimes we consciously come together to grow together, to incrementally reveal our full human potential, but that isn't the case for everyone. And that is Ok. Some safe relationships become ones of repetition, convenience and comfort that may satisfy every basic human survival need. And that is more than Ok. If there is not a mutual desire for nuanced self reflection, beyond the basics, then aligned relating may cease. If there is not a mutual capacity to safely play and reveal increasingly subtle layers, beyond the basics, then aligned growth may cease. To remain safely and kindly connected, but not always comfortable, with the challenges that will unfold in this relational work is the autonomous choice every human being gets to make. |
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| Do You Know Your Own Attachment Style From Childhood? |
